May 24, 2014 Family Matters

For those of you who have not been following long enough to know. There has been a lot of things going on with my family.. I try not to talk about it much here but in light of some things this week. I wanted to say thanks offer an update.

Last year I lost my job of over 7 years. My father in law offered for me to work with him.. He could not offer a big paycheck but, he also offered to open his home for my wife and our 2 kids to move it with them. In July I was able to get a better paying job and about mid November we were ready to move back out. We started looking for a place to move to (with debates on moving back to the house that we owned for some time). A house near where I worked came available for about what we were willing to rent for. The day that my wife and I were scheduled to go and sigh the papers and make it official, I got a call from my wife saying her dad was in the hospital. (he had not been feeling well but nothing gave us a clue to what was really in store) we canceled the apt. and went to see what what going on. After some testing we found out that he had stage 4  Gleoblastoma (a really aggressive and terminal brain cancer). Because we knew that he would not be returning to work, we bought their house so that there would be no risk of them loosing it. Needless to say we stayed right where we were.

Since then we have watched as his body functions slowly stopped working from motor skills, ability to speak, the ability to move, until today (Sunday the 18th of May) we went to give him a Priesthood Blessing. The realization that his time here is short, is apparent. His ability to eat is almost gone and we are told, once he is no longer able to eat, it is only a matter of a few days.  As much as a part of us wish he would get better and he would return home, we all know that it is not going to happen. In reality we all hope that he will pass quickly since we all know he was never the type to handle staying in bed very well. He was always very fit and unable to slow down.  Now he mostly sleeps.

It is interesting going through this though, it has shown me a lot about myself, and how I feel about people. I have always been introverted so my outlook on social aspects of life has always been a little off. Without getting too sidetrack, you see a lot of “mean wells” and then there are the ones that understand. Although loosing a loved one is hard, being constantly asked about feelings or to do something for a mourning person does not help. It is all a person can do to put things like this aside and continue to live.  Being a friend and doing fun things and distracting from the negative is the key. A realization is that unless there was already a friendship there, there is not much that can be done.  We have a neighbor (who I am sure reads these posts) who has always been there with the understanding that times are tough, sure, but that life still moves on so they have had the kids doing sidewalk chalk, slip-n-slides, role playing and so many more activities with the kids while offering real adult conversation about interests real adults have and being there even when it is not so convenient.

In this case, it has gone on for some time, we cannot sit around all day weeping and whaling. Life is still moving, there are still bills to pay, jobs to keep there are still things that can allow a mourning person to be happy. On a cold winter day, there is still warmth from the sun if you can just focus your energy on the warmth over the cold. The same applies here. My upbringing has taught me that there is so much more than this life. Yes it is sad to see a loved on pass from this life to the next but in the eternal perspective, there is so much more, not just more but better.

(My Father in Law passed away this week. The funeral was held 5/23/2014 thought on that will be posted soon)